Seasoned nurses think we've seen it all. We're confident that our extensive experience prepares us for whatever may befall our loved ones. But even 28 years as a medical and psychiatric registered nurse couldn't prepare me for the challenges of brain injury. My husband, Alan, suffered a harrowing heart attack and cardiac arrest that left him with a severe brain injury from lack of oxygen

In an instant, Alan went from being a 62-year-old professor of physics to a brain injury survivor fighting to regain his abilities to read, write, walk, talk, think, and remember, all at the same time.

We spent months in ICU, acute medical hospitals, and a superb rehabilitation hospital. Fortunately, Alan did regain his essential skills to varying degrees. At each point in the journey, I shifted my balance between being his nurse or his wife. Most days I needed to be both. The fantastic rehabilitation professionals taught me how to manage his medical conditions, and carry over every lesson from cognitive rehab, PT, and OT. I was an avid student, and gradually became a resourceful trainer.

At home, Alan and I prioritized rebuilding his identity. We composed a new marriage and purposeful life while practicing basic skills every day.

Brain injury accelerates the aging process. Alan developed dementia and Parkinson's disease. I learned that it takes a village to keep a person's mind active, so he participated in an Alzheimer's adult day health program. The support and information the staff gave me helped tremendously.

Alan lived for seven years following his heart attack. He usually felt that he was a very loved, valued, and contributing person.

My experience led to a few suggestions for collaborating with family caregivers who are also professionals:

  • Ask which parts of care she most wants to be involved with. And what aspects she prefers that the staff perform.
  • Don't assume she'll know about this specialty. Offer the same information and learning opportunities you'd provide to a non-professional family.
  • Listen to her observations and suggestions. She knows the patient intimately.
  • Convey the message that “We're all on the same team.” The goal is providing the best care for the patient/resident. A satisfied caregiver will also become your best marketing tool by telling her colleagues about the superior treatment you deliver.

Janet Cromer, R.N., MA, LMHC, is the author of Professor Cromer Learns to Read: A Couple's New Life after Brain Injury.